dream.

i am a dreamer. i always have been. and i love it. i love to dream, i love to spend time thinking of the possibilities. i love to make lists of my dreams. i love the word dream. there are so many possibilities. i remember dreaming as a kid of what my life would be. where i would go. what i would do. i spent most days dreaming. i was in m own world, creating dreams.

but i have discovered a flip side of dreaming. when you muster up the courage to go after a dream and the rug gets pulled out from under you. you are completely blind sided by a giant failure. what do you do now? do you continue to dream? i, for one, and terrified to dream again. i have put them all into a little room, turned off the light, and shut the door. i walk past it every now and again, peer at the dreams, and fear rises up in me. so i quickly walk past. but i don't like myself when im not dreaming. i don't feel fully me. i want to get back to that place where i am free to dream. the land of dreams is where i want to live.

so how do i get back there?

justice.

i have been thinking and talking a lot about justice lately. what does it truly mean, what does that look like in different cultures, what does it look like in my own life. i was talking with a friend about these concepts, and she offered a huge pill. im not sure if i am ready to swallow it, but i want to be. i see it on the counter, and i find myself continually coming back to it, wondering, can i take it, because once taken, there is no going back.

and what is this pill, you are asking?

it is this. the concept that if i fight for and strive for justice in the world, then i must be willing to welcome and accept justice in my own life.

easily said, by no means easily done.

i think to myself, sure, i could deal with justice in my own life. but when i think about that, it means owning whatever it might be that my actions produce. not always easy, and often easily surpassed.

so i continue to look at this pill. and work my way towards swallowing it, because i want to fully say yes i seek justice in this world, and yes i live justice out in my own life as well.

the most wonderful place.

THIS. is the most wonderful place on earth. i found this bathroom in one of my favorite blogs i follow and i fell in love. this is the perfect bathroom. truly. the bathtub, the colors, the layout. i couldn't ask for a better bathroom. i can see myself in it. one day i WILL own this bathroom. but for now, i continue to dream.

hiatus.

ooops. a completely unplanned hiatus.

im not used to all this stimulition, mental and physical. my days usually consist of a lot of me time, and now i am bombarded with lovely fam. quite a change, and quite nice to be honest.

with zoo trips, gingerbread building, and more, i practically forgot this blog existed. never fear internet. my brother likes to remind me often....so here i am. returning from my hiatus.