dream.

i am a dreamer. i always have been. and i love it. i love to dream, i love to spend time thinking of the possibilities. i love to make lists of my dreams. i love the word dream. there are so many possibilities. i remember dreaming as a kid of what my life would be. where i would go. what i would do. i spent most days dreaming. i was in m own world, creating dreams.

but i have discovered a flip side of dreaming. when you muster up the courage to go after a dream and the rug gets pulled out from under you. you are completely blind sided by a giant failure. what do you do now? do you continue to dream? i, for one, and terrified to dream again. i have put them all into a little room, turned off the light, and shut the door. i walk past it every now and again, peer at the dreams, and fear rises up in me. so i quickly walk past. but i don't like myself when im not dreaming. i don't feel fully me. i want to get back to that place where i am free to dream. the land of dreams is where i want to live.

so how do i get back there?

justice.

i have been thinking and talking a lot about justice lately. what does it truly mean, what does that look like in different cultures, what does it look like in my own life. i was talking with a friend about these concepts, and she offered a huge pill. im not sure if i am ready to swallow it, but i want to be. i see it on the counter, and i find myself continually coming back to it, wondering, can i take it, because once taken, there is no going back.

and what is this pill, you are asking?

it is this. the concept that if i fight for and strive for justice in the world, then i must be willing to welcome and accept justice in my own life.

easily said, by no means easily done.

i think to myself, sure, i could deal with justice in my own life. but when i think about that, it means owning whatever it might be that my actions produce. not always easy, and often easily surpassed.

so i continue to look at this pill. and work my way towards swallowing it, because i want to fully say yes i seek justice in this world, and yes i live justice out in my own life as well.

the most wonderful place.

THIS. is the most wonderful place on earth. i found this bathroom in one of my favorite blogs i follow and i fell in love. this is the perfect bathroom. truly. the bathtub, the colors, the layout. i couldn't ask for a better bathroom. i can see myself in it. one day i WILL own this bathroom. but for now, i continue to dream.

hiatus.

ooops. a completely unplanned hiatus.

im not used to all this stimulition, mental and physical. my days usually consist of a lot of me time, and now i am bombarded with lovely fam. quite a change, and quite nice to be honest.

with zoo trips, gingerbread building, and more, i practically forgot this blog existed. never fear internet. my brother likes to remind me often....so here i am. returning from my hiatus.

is love alive?

ingrid michaelson and sara bareilles sing a song together. it's called winter song. and it is the anthem of my life. holds such great meaning in my life currently as winter sets in. as those hollow winds of change feel like a blizzard in a barren land. nothing to bump into. nothing to take shelter in. just continuing to walk. though the wind blows strong, and i can't see a single thing in front of me, i keep walking.

im cold. im tired. im thirsty. im hungry. i don't want to walk anymore. i don't want to go anywhere anymore. but i must move forward. or i will die. so i step. again. again. again. wondering if there is peace ahead. wondering if rest will come. but there is a steady beat inside of me. i must walk to this beat. it keeps me going. pushes me forward. the hope of life, the hope of love, the hope of something that is greater than me.

Single and ready to mingle.

ahhh...the single life. those who live it, don't know what they have, those who don't look back and think, ahh yes, those were the years.

i'm not sure how i feel about the single life. it's fun, i make my own decisions, i do what i want, i go as i please, all on my own time, at the flip of my own coin. i must not know what i have because it doesn't seem all that special, or privileged. but some tell it is. so i try to see the goodness.

but i feel like our world is trying desperately to get the singles mingling, and on their way to marital bliss. everywhere i drive, there are signs on the side of the road.

"SINGLE?! monumentsingles.org"

"SINGLE?! thorntonsingles.org"

"SINGLE?! nwasingles.org"

it't not just a colorado thing. seattle had commercials all the time. "single and looking? well join "______" and meet up the hottest singles in the city and enjoy nights out, ski weekends and more!"

ew. that sounds like a giant train wreck to me. dane cook has a slightly less publicly acceptable term for situations like these that i will spare you on. but all of you who know what im referring to...yes. it's one of those, a cf, for short.

im so extremely intrigued to go to one of these sites. just to see what they hold.

i am currently 24 and have had people ask me if i have thought about e-harmony. seriously. SERIOUSLY?! i mean come on! i am 24. the whole world is at my feet. why am i going to dive into the internet to find a man? if i was 30...might think about it. no offense to any thirty something women or men out there....

no thank you! i don't mind the old fashioned way of life....

but i might have to humor myself and at least check out one of those singles sites. i mean, monument is a happ'nin place! watch out monument singles!

Pre- Birthday Day.

hmmmm.. yes. its my pre-birthday day. and i have the whole day to do whatever i want. "how is this different from any other day of yours?" your might ask...well it just is! because tomorrow is my birthday. and im turning 24. to all you oldies out there, i know it sounds ridiculously young. but to my 23 year and 364 day old brain, it sounds old! bizarre to see the day i can say im 24.

birthdays have always been hard for me. there are expectations that i wish so badly i didn't have. should i plan, my party, should i not, should i ask a friend to plan the party, should i just not have a party, should i just do something small, something big, sometime quaint, something adventurous. will people remember it's my day? will people care it's my day? expectations. i fight them, but the birthday expectations seem to dive deeper and deeper, not matter how much i try to grab them by the root.

so i am choosing today. my pre-birthday day. to do things i love. to celebrate me. i began with a little catch up on the shows i love online. followed by a youtube sesh with my brother that i love. followed by painting my nails. something i, yes, love to do :) *sigh* and now what?

warm tunes to warm my heart is plugging away on my computer (my most up-to-date favorites playlist) and i am trying to think of how i want to fill this day with goodness, life, and love. i have great anticipation for a birthday dinner tonight, but since that's 4 hours away, what shall i do? paint? read? write? i feel as though the world is m oyster. and for the first time, anxiety and nerves have left at the thought of celebrating me...after all...i think i'm pretty great! :)

room update.

for any of you who have known me since i was.....eight. i have had this furniture. ahh yes. such a classy set of furniture. :) well. this is what it was.


and this is what it looks like now!! i love it. i think it looks amazing. man, there was some drama with this little project. mostly the pulls. but we got it fixed, and it's glorious!



this is an upclose pic of the pulls on my hutch and dresser. they are glass, and they are from anthropologies. i love them. sorry, it's slightly blurry.



this is a picture of my bedside table. isn't it cute?!



i had been deciding between two different pulls to use. so i got one of each, decided on the glass ones, and then thought this would be just a fun little accent on my bedside table. again, sorry for the blur.




and this is the view from my bed to the other half of my room. those are my paintins on the wall, and in the background of my hutch. fun to display some of my art. even if i am pretty much the only one to enjoy them....i still do! :)

that's pretty much, since the other wall is just my closet. nothing picture worthy there :) hope you enjoy my new room! i sure do!


even better idea. come visit me and then you'll get to see it in person...it's a really good idea because, let's be honest. the pictures don't do it justice :)

ingrid.

callie and i went to the ingrid michaelson concert in denver. quite possibly one of the best concerts to date. she was phenomenal. the band was phenomenal. great great evening.





best seats in the house!


ugh. i tried to upload a video...it didn't work...maybe i'll figure out another way. hmm.

pro.

my short limbs have really enabled me to climb trees well.




yes. my dignity is fully intact. obviously. as seen in the faces of those already in the tree, and those shoving me up into the tree.






the final product! see! i'm a tree climbing champ! ha.

pumpkin party

a few weeks ago, i went to a pumpkin party. so fun! this was my second time carving a pumpkin, EVER! hahaha. i know i know. i practically didn't have a childhood. anyways. here are some fun pics of my team and our fantastic pumpkin, Mr. WOW!here is the artist and the stencil. cal created Mr. WOW on the pumpkin, and Brit's hands were the W's. :)




here is kelly hollowing him out. i don't deal with that part. ugh....gross. it wiggs me out!




hard at work! i am such a pro at this pumpkin carving stuff...must be in my dna! :) hahah. and callie doing what she does best....posing. duh. what did you think i was talking about?




here he is! the finished product! Mr. WOW! we were pretty proud of him...ha. it's hard to tell what he looks like. He is spelling wow with his hands and mouth.

also. on a second note. we all had to bring pumpkin food. i made homemade pumpkin ice cream. it was amazing! if you are interested, i can share the recipe! definite fall time must!

and on a third note. we played pumpkin bowling with water bottles. i won.

the long awaited post!

hahaha. yes yes. i have finally semi-finished my room....enough for me to feel comfortable putting a few pics on here. still have to finish getting knobs and pulls for my furniture, but here you can see the walls, my bed, and my rad painting...even more pics to come!

my garden.

There is a garden. It’s my secret garden. Tucked away in the secret streets of a quant old neighborhood. It is secret because it is hidden in the shadows of two other very famous parks. One known for its absolutely infamous view, and the other for its sunsets. This little gem is often driven past without a glimmer of attention. Enveloped in trees, bushes, and hedges, it keeps it’s goodness in, only sharing it with those who have taken the moment to stop, and see past the green colors that plague the scenery.

I stumbled upon this garden years ago, and have taken it on as my own. Whenever I discover others there, I feel as though they are infringing on my secret space. I would eat lunch there, read books there, cry there, and dream there. It was my place to be me; to be enough. My heart was exposed there, and so often deeply tended to, just as that garden has been and continues to be tended to. The trees were a covering, the benches a comforting support, and the flowers, a gentle touch of joy and hope.

This garden is perfectly imperfect. It’s got mud, and dirt paths, that hold puddles when it rains as it so often does. It’s lop-sided in shape, and the layout sort of doesn’t really make sense. Zero symmetry, yet it feels absolutely flawless. Space to run and be free. Tress full of emotion, covering and comfort. Secret paths unseen to the eye with benches to rest on. Colors that bode of life when pain and suffering feel so inevitable.

I miss my garden. Some day I will return.

This is a view from under my favorite tree in the park.

Modern Family

My new favorite tv show. Don't worry. It will never touch the goodness of GLEE. But this show is hilarious! I remember seeing ads for it this summer and thinking it might be fantastic, but I decided to watch it online last night and I was dying laughing all by myself. If you are ever bored, or dont' like GLEE and want to watch something else, it's on ABC on Wednesdays. Great little show. That's for sure.

In other news...I just finished painting my room. Don't want to put pics up till there is a something worth photographing. I'm almost there...should be complete within the next few days...pics to come! :)

winter in october?!

so glad i decided to ship ALL my coats home from england.


this weather made it quite chilly to be out and about in...but it sure is beautiful!

ps. none of that is snow. it's all straight up ice!!! brrrrrr.

starbucks.

i must admit. i miss it. hahaha. only every now and then. and then i see something a friend posted on facebook about starbucks and i stop missing it REALLY fast. :) ha. the fond memories have stuck...the annoying ones have fallen behind.

i found an old picture from my very first starbucks store, and i put it next to a picture from my very last store. four years. so long! but a really fun time in my life. i will always have such fond memories of my green apron days. love to all my starbucks peeps! :)

Happy Apple Orchard

randomly, and old friend from high school called to invite me to apple picking. it was a gorgeous day and a huge group of us ventured down to canon city for apple, berry, and pumpkin picking, wine tasting, and a few stops at some rather fantastic museums. ha. :)

it was a really refreshing entrance back into the states. and we are having a pumpkin party next week to carve our pumpkins. all food brought must be pumpkin. i am bringing pumpkin ice cream. found a tasty recipe online, and am attempting it today. hopefully it goes well and i can replicate it next week! :) i'll keep you posted.

WICKED!!!

i have had 2 other opportunities to see wicked in seattle, and had to give up both. so i was ecstatic when we got tickets to go see it here in denver! it was phenomenal. fantastic venue. killer seats. such a fun time! loved it.

new name.

yes yes. as many of my avid readers may or may not notice, i have changed the name of my blog. london is for lovers. although quite true, it's not my truth. i have taken quite an unexpected u-turn, and my ever imaginative sister in law so wittily (is that a word) came up with that name. impressive i say....impressive!

so im going to attempt to continue the blog...we'll see how that goes. but keep reading, cause pics and updates are coming!

blogs while interweb-less

Sorry worthy followers of my blog. I have been without Internet, and blogging is quite challenging from an internet café. Lots of foreign men, shouting to their family and friends on Skype or their cell phones. It’s quite bustling and busy, but enjoyable nonetheless. It helps me to get out of the house when I’m not quite sure where else to go. In spite of all this, here are my blogs from the week. Enjoy!

Tuesday September 22

Strange and foreign land.

London is an odd place. They drive on the opposite of the road, not to mention on the opposite side of the vehicle, they use strange words, my newest favorite being farcical…phonetically, that is fAW - sicul…meaning absurd. And can I just say that customer service over here is extremely FARCICAL! Nobody will help you…with anything. They won’t even point you in the right direction of someone who can! Suffice it to say, I have hit dead end after dead end. From blowing fuses all over the house with my apparently extremely high volt-ed hair dryer, to some how scratching my eye in the middle of the night, therefore sitting in my room with no lights and the curtains drawn all day, to getting lost attempting to go talk to someone at my school. Ugh. Can’t I get anywhere?! I mean really people. I have a lot to offer your country, if you’ll just throw me a freakin bone!

Wednesday September 23

Just lovely.

Every room in my flat has a fireplace in it. I feel like I am living in Jane Austen land…truly. The Brits always offer guest’s tea or coffee, and some biscuits or something of the sort. Just lovely. As if expecting the guest to stay… We don’t do these things the states. I think we should. It’s such a kind gesture. On that note, going to search for some tea of some sort in my make shift kitchen. Jenna…you’re kitchen is a work of Martha Stewart compared to what I am currently cooking my shepherds pie in…store bought of course…don’t get too excited! I have not become Suzie homemaker on you. J

Thursday September 24

Thank you "Off License" Convenient Store.

It’s a Friday night. Nobody is home, and I currently have no friends in the area. So I am sitting by myself re-reading the Lucky magazine that Kaley bought me for my plane right over here. Kristen Bell (cover story) is so stinkin cute. Stomach rumbling, I look at the clock and realized my shepherds pie has officially fizzled out of my body and I find myself starving. Yet it’s 8:45 and the area I live in, is a few stops short of classy-Ville. So I can’t walk the 15 minutes to my grocer overflowing with people from every corner of the world, children screaming, and grumpy clerks. I settled for the corner store. Minestrone soup and Crackle Butter biscuits in hand, I head home. After eating, well, more biscuits (yeah, they are really cookies, but I’m attempting to adopt British lingo) than I should have, I notice the “best before” date, is August 29, 2009. Thanks you "Off License." Let’s just say my Crackle Butter coo….I mean biscuits are extra crackly.

Friday September 25

How bizarre the Brit’s Are!

I mean seriously people! British television. It’s horrendous! They take all the commercials from the states, and then mouth over with British voices. Yet, the quality is sub-standard. And the shows start at the weirdest times! I see that it is 9:00, so I turn on the TV to see what’s on, and the guide says Friends. Fantastic! Something I know! Go to the channel, and it starts at 9:16…come again? Everything is also on a totally different time frame. For my avid CWTV fans out there, they are in the middle of playing Privileged. Not re-runs, All New Episodes…How bizarre!

Saturday September 26

For the Harry Potter Lovers…

All the school kids run around looking as though they attend Hogwarts….minus the robes. They all wear little blazers with ties, and the girls wear skirts with ties and blazers. And they have badges on them, I keep trying to get close enough to see what the badges say, but since I have not been able to, I like to imagine which ones are Griffidore worthy, which sneaks are from Slytherin, nerds from Huffle Puff, and the astute from Ravenclaw. Ah yes, what a wonderful imaginary world I live in…And then I find myself a few stops past where I should have gotten off on the Tube. Oh well.. Definitely Worth it J

Sunday September 26

Change of Plans

Yes, well since a visa is necessary for studying in England, and I am without a Visa, looks as though I am coming back home. Change of plans indeed! Hmmmm. What is next? Plan B, umm….there was no Plan B. Flying by the seat of my pants now. Hmph. Looks like I will be state side on Tuesday. Couldn’t get rid of me after all! See you all much sooner than planned. I’m ok with it, but not sure where to take this journey next! We shall see, we shall see!

last night in america!

wow. absolutely crazy. it's all packed. in 2 suitcases, count em, one, two! wasn't really planning on paying 200 bones for the third one. so i pitched my adored red shoes, and a few other deeply loved, yet non-vital items.

i am now officially feeling and realizing the biggness of this grand adventure! i feel like annie from father of the bride. the night before her wedding, and she talks about packing everything...that's how i feel! granted, i'm not getting married, but it feels big like that. strange.

just wanted to send a last hi and hello to everybody before i head out. not sure when i'll be able to write again. my internet at my flat is quite dodgy at the moment (really getting into my new cultural verbage these days) :). so i will write when i can to let you know i've arrived safely.

love to you all. see you on the other side of the pond!

don't worry, i haven't forgetten!

hello again!

i'm posting, mostly just to prove to myself and to you all, that i have not forgotten about my little london blog!

things are coming along well! packing has begun, errands are being run, and i still have no visa! eeek. just praying it will come. because if it doesn't, im going to be a tourist in england for the next 3 months...doesn't sound half bad, but i'd kinda like a degree at the end of this journey.


But i sure do miss this place a lot! :(

Is this actually happening?!

Me blogging again or me going to London...both are actually quite monumental! :) I'm attempting to blog again. I am not promising a thing! But I WILL try.

This blog is all about my adventures to London. Too bad I'm not even there yet. Ha. But I'm almost there! Leaving in less than a week, and I am not even sure what to do with myself. It all feels impossible, but it seems that those are the times when it is right. So I move forward with absolute trust. Ugh. it's tough...but so good. :)

So hello again to the blog world.