the great lull.

i am so inspired by other people's blogs, and especially blogs that are an outlet of creativity. so why is it that my blog is neither an outlet of creativity, or inspiring to others. i spose that is merely an assumption.

but i need an outlet for creativity. for so long it was painting. but im caught in a lull of non-creativity in that medium.

what to do....what to do.

oh bullocks.

i want to quit life. wouldn't it just be so gloriously easy if that was the case? but no. life is not so. i must move forward, with ever acknowledgment of what i know to be true inside. and it sucks. but it's life. it keeps happening whether i can stay caught up with it or not. and that's the hard part.

each part of the road is different. some parts are smooth, worry free, and wonderful. other parts are a giant fight to keep the momentum going. sometimes it's totally ok to sit down.

wish it was ok for me to sit down. but this is not the time. it's the time to keep moving forward, digging deeper than i'd like. ugh.

so i shall look at this picture, and dream of the smooth sailing days that i know are to come....i hope. i believe. i dream.
ok. so i pute two pics up, because im slightly obsessed with both of them.

**picture compliments of christina lutze and her ridiculously amazing skills.**

my lungs hate me.

just went on my first run since i moved back to colorado. and let's be honest, by run, i really mean i ran for the first bit, and then started seeing black spots due to the lack of oxygen that was getting to my lungs, and spent most of the rest of the time briskly walking...

my chest feels cold, and my lungs have a nice piercing pain shoot through my chest when i laugh, or cough. but i made it out there! :)

i remember running in seattle, and thinking, man this never felt this easy in colorado. i could never tell if it was because i was in better shape, or because of the altitude. today, im thinking...maybe both :)

i started the new year really inspired to run a marathon. im going to keep working it, and get in the best shape i can. if i end up with a half marathon by the end of the year, that would be awesome too.

in other news, today is a me day. and i love me days. don't feel like i have had one of those in a long time. so im doing the things i love. which today was cleaning up the kitchen, doing laundry, spending time outside, and painting. followed by and expected fantastic time with friends tonight. ahhhh me days. why don't you come more often?! i will love you deeply today though. :)

and since posts are always better with pictures, i give you a sweet memory of a me day.

i miss this. and let's be honest. "me days" in college were full of people, but that was what made up the best days. this particular day. one of the first days of springs, skipping class, ben and jerry's, and wonderful friends at the beach. i miss this.

realization.

i realized today just how much i miss blogging, and painting, and the water. those are at the top of my list atleast. i miss many other things. but these were on my mind today.

water is so inspiring to me. i can look back through journals, and i have poetry all throughout middle school and highschool, that i would write whenever i went somewhere with water. mexico would always conjur up inspiration in me, and i would lay awake deep into the nights writing, dreaming, hoping. i miss doing those things. i have all my painting stuff here, ready for me, but i am just so completely uninspired.

i guess i just really miss being inspired. i love that feeling. i had that feeling a lot when i was unemployed. i guess it was the hope of new things coming, the unsure-ness of it all. i miss it.

and i find myself blogging out of a place of desperate inspiration. when i blogged in college, there was a desperate plea deep inside to know more of me, and the world, and to discover new things...so i blogged.

the bummer about being unemployed was the lack of funds. and now that the funds are flowing, there seems to be a lack of time and brain space. you never can win i guess.

how do i balance these things? im still unsure. any advice? i welcome it. i wish to find the balance again. i wish to find inspiration again, so that my blogs are less rambling, and more dreaming, so that my paints get used, and that my heart feels warm and full once again.


....not that my heart isn't warm or full, it is. just a different sort of warm and full :)

and i shall now leave you with something that inspires me. a lovely blog that i follow, and i save all these pics, because they make my heart flutter at their sheer amazingness...my newest fav.

i know right?! as if any of you are shocked :)

requesting your input...

i am in desperate need of some good new music.

so for the giant masses of people who read my blog, pass on your best new hits, old favs, the ones that inspire, and the ones that pump you up...send me all the goods...

THANKS! :)