is love alive?

ingrid michaelson and sara bareilles sing a song together. it's called winter song. and it is the anthem of my life. holds such great meaning in my life currently as winter sets in. as those hollow winds of change feel like a blizzard in a barren land. nothing to bump into. nothing to take shelter in. just continuing to walk. though the wind blows strong, and i can't see a single thing in front of me, i keep walking.

im cold. im tired. im thirsty. im hungry. i don't want to walk anymore. i don't want to go anywhere anymore. but i must move forward. or i will die. so i step. again. again. again. wondering if there is peace ahead. wondering if rest will come. but there is a steady beat inside of me. i must walk to this beat. it keeps me going. pushes me forward. the hope of life, the hope of love, the hope of something that is greater than me.

Single and ready to mingle.

ahhh...the single life. those who live it, don't know what they have, those who don't look back and think, ahh yes, those were the years.

i'm not sure how i feel about the single life. it's fun, i make my own decisions, i do what i want, i go as i please, all on my own time, at the flip of my own coin. i must not know what i have because it doesn't seem all that special, or privileged. but some tell it is. so i try to see the goodness.

but i feel like our world is trying desperately to get the singles mingling, and on their way to marital bliss. everywhere i drive, there are signs on the side of the road.

"SINGLE?! monumentsingles.org"

"SINGLE?! thorntonsingles.org"

"SINGLE?! nwasingles.org"

it't not just a colorado thing. seattle had commercials all the time. "single and looking? well join "______" and meet up the hottest singles in the city and enjoy nights out, ski weekends and more!"

ew. that sounds like a giant train wreck to me. dane cook has a slightly less publicly acceptable term for situations like these that i will spare you on. but all of you who know what im referring to...yes. it's one of those, a cf, for short.

im so extremely intrigued to go to one of these sites. just to see what they hold.

i am currently 24 and have had people ask me if i have thought about e-harmony. seriously. SERIOUSLY?! i mean come on! i am 24. the whole world is at my feet. why am i going to dive into the internet to find a man? if i was 30...might think about it. no offense to any thirty something women or men out there....

no thank you! i don't mind the old fashioned way of life....

but i might have to humor myself and at least check out one of those singles sites. i mean, monument is a happ'nin place! watch out monument singles!

Pre- Birthday Day.

hmmmm.. yes. its my pre-birthday day. and i have the whole day to do whatever i want. "how is this different from any other day of yours?" your might ask...well it just is! because tomorrow is my birthday. and im turning 24. to all you oldies out there, i know it sounds ridiculously young. but to my 23 year and 364 day old brain, it sounds old! bizarre to see the day i can say im 24.

birthdays have always been hard for me. there are expectations that i wish so badly i didn't have. should i plan, my party, should i not, should i ask a friend to plan the party, should i just not have a party, should i just do something small, something big, sometime quaint, something adventurous. will people remember it's my day? will people care it's my day? expectations. i fight them, but the birthday expectations seem to dive deeper and deeper, not matter how much i try to grab them by the root.

so i am choosing today. my pre-birthday day. to do things i love. to celebrate me. i began with a little catch up on the shows i love online. followed by a youtube sesh with my brother that i love. followed by painting my nails. something i, yes, love to do :) *sigh* and now what?

warm tunes to warm my heart is plugging away on my computer (my most up-to-date favorites playlist) and i am trying to think of how i want to fill this day with goodness, life, and love. i have great anticipation for a birthday dinner tonight, but since that's 4 hours away, what shall i do? paint? read? write? i feel as though the world is m oyster. and for the first time, anxiety and nerves have left at the thought of celebrating me...after all...i think i'm pretty great! :)

room update.

for any of you who have known me since i was.....eight. i have had this furniture. ahh yes. such a classy set of furniture. :) well. this is what it was.


and this is what it looks like now!! i love it. i think it looks amazing. man, there was some drama with this little project. mostly the pulls. but we got it fixed, and it's glorious!



this is an upclose pic of the pulls on my hutch and dresser. they are glass, and they are from anthropologies. i love them. sorry, it's slightly blurry.



this is a picture of my bedside table. isn't it cute?!



i had been deciding between two different pulls to use. so i got one of each, decided on the glass ones, and then thought this would be just a fun little accent on my bedside table. again, sorry for the blur.




and this is the view from my bed to the other half of my room. those are my paintins on the wall, and in the background of my hutch. fun to display some of my art. even if i am pretty much the only one to enjoy them....i still do! :)

that's pretty much, since the other wall is just my closet. nothing picture worthy there :) hope you enjoy my new room! i sure do!


even better idea. come visit me and then you'll get to see it in person...it's a really good idea because, let's be honest. the pictures don't do it justice :)

ingrid.

callie and i went to the ingrid michaelson concert in denver. quite possibly one of the best concerts to date. she was phenomenal. the band was phenomenal. great great evening.





best seats in the house!


ugh. i tried to upload a video...it didn't work...maybe i'll figure out another way. hmm.

pro.

my short limbs have really enabled me to climb trees well.




yes. my dignity is fully intact. obviously. as seen in the faces of those already in the tree, and those shoving me up into the tree.






the final product! see! i'm a tree climbing champ! ha.

pumpkin party

a few weeks ago, i went to a pumpkin party. so fun! this was my second time carving a pumpkin, EVER! hahaha. i know i know. i practically didn't have a childhood. anyways. here are some fun pics of my team and our fantastic pumpkin, Mr. WOW!here is the artist and the stencil. cal created Mr. WOW on the pumpkin, and Brit's hands were the W's. :)




here is kelly hollowing him out. i don't deal with that part. ugh....gross. it wiggs me out!




hard at work! i am such a pro at this pumpkin carving stuff...must be in my dna! :) hahah. and callie doing what she does best....posing. duh. what did you think i was talking about?




here he is! the finished product! Mr. WOW! we were pretty proud of him...ha. it's hard to tell what he looks like. He is spelling wow with his hands and mouth.

also. on a second note. we all had to bring pumpkin food. i made homemade pumpkin ice cream. it was amazing! if you are interested, i can share the recipe! definite fall time must!

and on a third note. we played pumpkin bowling with water bottles. i won.

the long awaited post!

hahaha. yes yes. i have finally semi-finished my room....enough for me to feel comfortable putting a few pics on here. still have to finish getting knobs and pulls for my furniture, but here you can see the walls, my bed, and my rad painting...even more pics to come!

my garden.

There is a garden. It’s my secret garden. Tucked away in the secret streets of a quant old neighborhood. It is secret because it is hidden in the shadows of two other very famous parks. One known for its absolutely infamous view, and the other for its sunsets. This little gem is often driven past without a glimmer of attention. Enveloped in trees, bushes, and hedges, it keeps it’s goodness in, only sharing it with those who have taken the moment to stop, and see past the green colors that plague the scenery.

I stumbled upon this garden years ago, and have taken it on as my own. Whenever I discover others there, I feel as though they are infringing on my secret space. I would eat lunch there, read books there, cry there, and dream there. It was my place to be me; to be enough. My heart was exposed there, and so often deeply tended to, just as that garden has been and continues to be tended to. The trees were a covering, the benches a comforting support, and the flowers, a gentle touch of joy and hope.

This garden is perfectly imperfect. It’s got mud, and dirt paths, that hold puddles when it rains as it so often does. It’s lop-sided in shape, and the layout sort of doesn’t really make sense. Zero symmetry, yet it feels absolutely flawless. Space to run and be free. Tress full of emotion, covering and comfort. Secret paths unseen to the eye with benches to rest on. Colors that bode of life when pain and suffering feel so inevitable.

I miss my garden. Some day I will return.

This is a view from under my favorite tree in the park.